By Tom Blake
Most men and women who re-enter the dating world are rusty. It's natural for them to be nervous and make mistakes. Here are 12 of the most common ones. Keep them in mind on your next date and you'll improve your chances of being successful.
1. Being late. Everybody's time is valuable. Arriving late makes a poor impression. It shows selfishness and a lack of organization, and gets the date off on the wrong foot.
2. Being too serious. People forget to relax, laugh, smile and enjoy themselves. They may come off as too rigid, when in fact they have much to offer.
3. Talking too much. New daters lack confidence; talking covers up uncomfortable silences. Talking too much about former spouses and lovers is especially bad.
4. Not listening. One person is talking, but the other's mind is elsewhere. When the talker says, "What are your thoughts on that?" it's embarrassing to have to ask that person to repeat what he or she was talking about.
5. Blaming others. People blame their bosses for getting fired; their ex-spouses for failed marriages; their parents for not bringing them up right. Soon, however, they may be blaming their date -- for not going out with them again!
6. Putting on false airs. People try to be someone they're not. They talk a good game, but later can't deliver because they aren't who they said they were.
7. Being negative. Some people are down on this and down on that -- they don't have enough money, they don't feel well, they're unlucky. People will avoid them and seek others who are more positive.
8. Gender-bashing. Women say, "Men only want younger women." Men say, "Women only want money." Soon, a gender basher will be complaining about the empty seat across the table where his or her date had been sitting.
9. Asking leading questions about a person's assets. "What kind of a car do you drive?" Do you own your own home?" "Is that a real diamond?" "Do you live on Rodeo Drive?" These are all red-flag questions. Be interested, but getting too personal sends the wrong signal.
10. Sounding desperate. Statements like, "This is my first date in 35 years" or "No one ever asks me out" might be a turnoff to someone who was otherwise interested in you.
11. Being dishonest. It's a short-sighted strategy. Sooner or later, the truth will catch up. Besides, it's easier to be honest than to try to remember what fib you told a week ago.
12. Being argumentative. Discussing politics or religion is risky. If you pick a fight on the first date, you'll be shadow boxing on the second. Most people don't like confrontation.
Remember to be yourself. Relax, have a good time. If you make a mistake, it's OK, you're human. Apologize, make a small joke like, "Wow, I'm a bit rusty," and don't worry about it. By being aware of the mistakes that might turn off a date, you'll make the outing more pleasant for both of you.
Tom Blake is the author of Middle Aged and Dating Again (Tooter's, 1997) and host of the ThirdAge Dating After 50 discussion.
GottaFindLove.com
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