Tips For Ending a Bad Date

The guy that you have fancied for ages has asked you out on a date, and you've spent all day getting ready. Then when he turns up, he looks like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards, and that's just his hair! He's wearing a tatty t-shirt and an old pair of jeans, while you are all made up. It`s too late to get changed, so you leave with him anyway. Where does he take you? Yes you've got it - to your local pub or bar, where he spends have the night talking to his buddies, and the other half talking about them. Then to top it off, he takes you for Macdonalds. The whole date was a complete disaster. He is not the guy you thought he was, and you don't know why you ever fancied him in the first place.

So what do you do when it is time to say good night? How do you avoid the end of the date kiss? And how do you let him down gently without being to harsh?

It is obvious you have no intention of seeing him again, so don't beat about the bush. Just get straight to the point. Sometimes being nice just doesn't work. Being too nice to a guy that you have no interest in, can lead to mixed signals, giving them the wrong idea and sometimes unwanted advances.

Making your exit through a toilet window is not the way to escape the situation. Neither is popping to the loo with your bag and coat and escaping out of the front door. It works and is useful as a desperate measure if the date is really bad, but it is better to deflect the situation and call the date to an end amicably. Leaving someone standing is a bad way to work and should only occur if you are feeling deeply uncomfortable.

First off - thank him for a nice date, and explain (gently) that you don't feel that there is any chemistry. You may prefer to do this by phone at a later stage. If he asks for a second chance, and asks you to go on another date with him; you must be firm with him. If you don't want to have any kind of relationship with the guy, then you have to make it quite clear.

Don't tell him that you want to be friends, unless you are really serious about being his friend and actually believe it can happen. If you don't want to see him again, make this very clear and avoid any contact with him at all. Even giving in to a good night kiss will send out the wrong signal and that is the last thing you want.

Men are not good at reading signals and mistake many gestures you make towards them. They can take rejection badly but being cruel to be kind is the way forward. You need to keep a cool head but make things clear. If you were going out as a friend in the first place you should make this clear in advance otherwise you will end up trying to explain his advances are unwanted later and he will want to know why. Dating for men is as tricky as it is for women and therefore you owe it to yourself and your date to end things amicably, but swiftly if it is simply not what you are looking for.

That way both people can move forward.

GottaFindLove.com

Confidence in Dating: Why You Should Become More Confident

I once read the results of a survey in a leading woman's magazine that said the number 1 most attractive quality in a man was confidence. Not arrogance, confidence. It took some time to sink in as to what this really meant. Did it mean grabbing the girl in matinee idol pose and whisking her backwards whilst I kissed those luscious lips of hers? Did it mean turning into a caveman never taking no for an answer? Did it mean turning up at the door of the girl next door and whisking her off to Paris for the weekend, though we had hardly spoken? What did they mean by confidence? The quest was on it find out.

Every woman I have asked will answer in a different vein so the answer isn't all things to all men. Confidence, it appears, is in the eye of the beholder. Even worse, confidence can easily be misconstrued so one has to tread carefully. The point is not confidence itself, but its easier to define by its opposite, fear. Fear in men is not attractive. Fear defines a man as not knowing his own value, lacking a feeling of self worth, not being sure of his abilities, lacking in presence and determination. This I may add is very different from justifiable fear that we all face.

Okay, back to confidence. Men are attractive when they are confident said one friend. Another told me, "ooh a confident man makes me go weak at the knees". So I pressed them further. A confident man it seems is one who carries with him a self-assuredness that is most definitely not arrogance. It is a state where a man feels sure of himself and his abilities, knows what he is about, knows himself for what he can do,, what he may be able to do, what he may fail at but does not fear to try. A confident man is in control of his destiny, his future, his career, his day. And to many women that is very attractive.

After all, a woman is looking for a partner, one who will not only match with her mentally and physically, but someone who can drive her onwards, someone who has ambition and vitality, someone who can pass hi self assuredness on to her. A man who is confident is sexy because he is comfortable with himself, he is in control and he is able to make decisions, good decisions. He is confident in the choices he makes and in choosing you (maybe really you selected him), he passes this feeling of being special on to you. Being selected by the right man can be very sexy indeed.

If you are going to date the beauty in the corner and father her children then running away is not a good start, neither is feeling bad about yourself and failing to be able to hold a decent conversation. Far too many men decide in advance of an approach if they are worth of a woman's attentions or not. All too often they believe they are not. Except where alcohol is involved. Men in bars exude confidence, but they also exude beer breath as well! No the fact is that guys who lack confidence prejudge most situations and inevitably take themselves out of the dating fray before it ever happens, hoping, strangely, that the woman will make the first move.

The fact is, the confident men more often than not get the girl, because the confident man has something about him. I know plenty of good looking handsome men who are afraid to approach women so its not necessarily about looks. No, its about something within. Confidence is about self respect and self understanding. It comes from understanding what you yourself are about and when this happens a sexy man reaches out. Often lack of confidence in men is because of physique and yet it is an issue so easy to fix. 12 weeks in a gym will change a man's life. A fit man is a confident man. Dress is also something that instills confidence. No man has an excuse for not dressing reasonably smart these days as fashion for men is everywhere.

Ultimately we all lose confidence from time to time. People can take our confidence away at work or at home, in partnerships and on our own. Ultimately though these are passing phases. If a man can do one thing for himself in the dating game, that is to learn about his own confidence levels in an honest way and then go about doing something to increase them. Feel good about yourself guys and someone will feel good about you.

GottaFindLove.com

Asking Someone Out On A Date

If you like someone and want to know them more, you may have to ask them for a date. This is a standard practice for men, and it is increasingly becoming common among women. If you have someone in mind that you would love to go out with, breathe deeply and follow these guidelines.

Ask Yourself First:
Know why you are asking them out and if it is for the right reasons. Recognize your expectations as a result of them saying yes or no.

Saying No Is A Possibility:
Be prepared that the person you ask may say no. If this happens, do not take the rejection personally and do not chase them as well. They maybe thinking of things and get back to you with a “yes” later.

Choose The Right Moment:
See to it that the person you are asking is in a light mood. At certain instances, do not approach them when they are stressed out after work, while eating, or while with a group of friends.

Practice What You Should Say:
Don’t think of the cheesiest pick-up line imaginable. A simple “Hi! My name is…and I was wondering if you are free for lunch today?” is enough. Practice what you might say in advance so that you don’t appear tongue-tied.

Avoid Asking Them Out While Drunk:
You may think that taking a shot before asking would boost your courage level, actually it’s not. It would backfire, too.

Prepare The Place, Date, And Time, In Advance:
Before asking them out, be sure that you already have an idea where and when your date would be, just in case they say yes. In this way, you are showing that you are thoughtful.

Create A Sense Of Trust Immediately:
If the person asks you why you want to date them, flatter about his or her personality. People can be wary and may want to know some reason behind your request. You can say, “I have always thought you are great fun…”

Do Not Pressure Them Into Saying Yes:
If they want to think about it, let them. But don’t chase.

Smile:
Bring out your positive personality. Be confident and happy to elicit a far more positive response.

Prepare For An Alternative Schedule:
If they are unsure about their schedule, or your proposed date schedule conflicts theirs, provide a different date and time or location.

Intend To Go On Your Date:
Standing people up is a definite no-no in dating.

GottaFindLove.com

How To Be A Top Flirt

Flirting: "To play at love, without serious intentions."

It is often done to arouse sexual interest in another person. Flirting is fun; it is just kidding around. Have the intention of fun and nothing else. It is not serious, so you cant do anything wrong! It is kind of a joke about what they're doing; with which you tease them and kid them about. Remember: You dont have to do the right thing, because you are just kidding.

Your FRAME OF MIND is very important in flirting. Don't try to be a flirt. Skills of flirting come automatically to you from your sub-consciousness if you just loosen yourself and have a positive approach of mind.
Flirting Tips

1. Focus outward. Keep your attention outside yourself, toward a particular flirting target or toward the general social environment. You can't flirt while you're self-absorbed.

2. While flirting, follow up with a helpful comment. That helps them know you are kind, not just light-heartedly rude.

3. Body Language: Straighten up, good posture, shoulders relaxed, arms uncrossed, lean forward slightly.

4. Have fun. Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.

5. Compliment. Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The "flirtee" will know that you really noticed them. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment the best response is merely to say Thank You!

6. Use your eyes. Whether in conversation or across the room, look at your target's eyes a little longer than necessary, and keep a small smile on your own face while you do that.

7. Smile. It is contagious. It will make you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you.

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The 12 Mistakes of Dating Again

The 12 Mistakes of Dating Again
By Tom Blake

Most men and women who re-enter the dating world are rusty. It's natural for them to be nervous and make mistakes. Here are 12 of the most common ones. Keep them in mind on your next date and you'll improve your chances of being successful.

1. Being late. Everybody's time is valuable. Arriving late makes a poor impression. It shows selfishness and a lack of organization, and gets the date off on the wrong foot.

2. Being too serious. People forget to relax, laugh, smile and enjoy themselves. They may come off as too rigid, when in fact they have much to offer.

3. Talking too much. New daters lack confidence; talking covers up uncomfortable silences. Talking too much about former spouses and lovers is especially bad.

4. Not listening. One person is talking, but the other's mind is elsewhere. When the talker says, "What are your thoughts on that?" it's embarrassing to have to ask that person to repeat what he or she was talking about.

5. Blaming others. People blame their bosses for getting fired; their ex-spouses for failed marriages; their parents for not bringing them up right. Soon, however, they may be blaming their date -- for not going out with them again!

6. Putting on false airs. People try to be someone they're not. They talk a good game, but later can't deliver because they aren't who they said they were.

7. Being negative. Some people are down on this and down on that -- they don't have enough money, they don't feel well, they're unlucky. People will avoid them and seek others who are more positive.

8. Gender-bashing. Women say, "Men only want younger women." Men say, "Women only want money." Soon, a gender basher will be complaining about the empty seat across the table where his or her date had been sitting.

9. Asking leading questions about a person's assets. "What kind of a car do you drive?" Do you own your own home?" "Is that a real diamond?" "Do you live on Rodeo Drive?" These are all red-flag questions. Be interested, but getting too personal sends the wrong signal.

10. Sounding desperate. Statements like, "This is my first date in 35 years" or "No one ever asks me out" might be a turnoff to someone who was otherwise interested in you.

11. Being dishonest. It's a short-sighted strategy. Sooner or later, the truth will catch up. Besides, it's easier to be honest than to try to remember what fib you told a week ago.

12. Being argumentative. Discussing politics or religion is risky. If you pick a fight on the first date, you'll be shadow boxing on the second. Most people don't like confrontation.

Remember to be yourself. Relax, have a good time. If you make a mistake, it's OK, you're human. Apologize, make a small joke like, "Wow, I'm a bit rusty," and don't worry about it. By being aware of the mistakes that might turn off a date, you'll make the outing more pleasant for both of you.

Tom Blake is the author of Middle Aged and Dating Again (Tooter's, 1997) and host of the ThirdAge Dating After 50 discussion.

GottaFindLove.com

First Date Do's And Don'ts

Things To Do:

1. Be on time - The last thing you want to do is make a bad impression on your date. If you are late then your date will think that you don't care or that he/she isn't important. Even worse, your date might not hang around for you to turn up.

2. Make your partner feel comfortable - We all feel like a bag of nerves on our first date with someone; so by making your date feel comfortable you will be able to also relax and simply enjoy yourself.

3. Be an interesting date - The worse thing you can do is turn up for a date with someone then sit there all night with nothing to say or ask! Be prepared to be interesting and to have a good conversation. Show you are interesting (and a good listener) by asking questions that help you learn interesting things about your date. Dress great. Take great care in your hygiene. Don't reveal too much about yourself, but reveal just enough to show the other person that you are interesting and different - in a good way.

4. Laugh at their jokes - Even if you have heard the joke 100 times or more (or it just isn't funny at all) laughing a long with your date will make your date feel you are interested in him/her. It will at least make your date feel more comfortable with the situation.

5. Keep the conversation alive - That dreaded silence when no one knows what to say can seem to last for a life time and will make both of you think the other is boring. Jot down a few questions you would like to ask (but don't refer to the list during your date!). Practicing for the date can make quite a bit of difference and once you have started a great conversation, the rest will just follow. Here are a few conversation starters you may want to use.

6. Take an interest in your date - Listen to your date when he/she is talking. Be interested in what your date has to say and show how interested you are by asking questions about what your date is talking about. For example, if your date says he/she likes to travel then ask him/her what the most unique place is he/she has traveled to.

7. Take your date somewhere unique - First dates don't just have to be about going to the cinema or to a restaurant for a nice meal. You will make a longer, lasting impression if you are imaginative with your date. Check out these creative date ideas and these first date ideas .

8. Be confident - Confidence says a lot about a person. Being more confident will help you get through that first date with ease.

9. Be yourself - You won't fool anyone by pretending to be someone you are not.

10. Most importantly - STAY SAFE. Check out our pointers to dating safely.

Things Not To Do:

1. Be late - First impressions count and if you are late then this will make your date think of you as lazy, having lack of initiative, or not putting an importance on the evening.

2. Talk about yourself all night - There is nothing worse then a person that loves to talk about himself or herself all the time. Be the one asking the questions!

3. Talk about past relationships - Maybe that's how you lost the last one. Nobody wants to hear you drone on about your ex and what he or she did or didn't do. Concentrate on your date and see if you can get to the second date.

4. Eat with your mouth open - This will not only create a negative impression of you to your date, but also to other people around you.

5. Ask too many personal questions - This is your first date and your date may not want to reveal too much about himself/herself just yet. If you like each other and want to continue with the relationship then there will be plenty of time to ask more intimate questions.

6. Try to be someone you are not - It's important to be yourself as you don't want other people to settle for anything different. Trying to act like someone you are not will only backfire in the future.

7. Forget to thank them for the date - It is good manners and etiquette to thank your date for the evening. If you don't want to go on a date again, this is where you will get your chance to end it. If you do, then this is your chance to ask your date out on another date.

8. Propose marriage or kids - Unless you don't want to see them again.

9. Pursue sex ; especially after your partner has said no.

10. Get drunk - You don't want to spend half the night in the toilet vomiting and your date won't think much of you. You can also put yourself at risk of unwanted advances and will not be in the right frame of mind or body to do anything about it.

GottaFindLove.com

First Date Advice - What To Do On Your First Date

Choosing something to do on a first date can be very difficult. You and your date do not know each other and this means that you do not know what they do and do not like doing. Ask your date what they would like to do, but if they do not have any suggestion be decisive and make a suggestion, like your favorite restaurant. Make sure they understand what type of place it is and make sure it is ok with them. If not, be flexible and maybe suggest somewhere else or ask them where they would like.

First Date Advice - First date preparation

A little preparation for your first date will go a long way. You should prepare in advanced the following for your first date:

Prepare how you are getting to the location of your first date. If you have never been there before, it might be worth going there a couple of days before hand so you know how long it will take to get there and the exact location of it. If it is bar or restaurant maybe go in and check it out so you are familiar with it.

Prepare what you are going to wear for your first date. Decide what you are going to wear a couple of days in advanced and
make sure it fits. This will give you time to go and get something else if there is a problem with it.

Prepare something to talk about on your first date. Always make sure you have something to talk about to fill any awkward gaps in the conversation.

First Date Advice - Top tips for a first date

You want everything to go just right on your first date, so here are some first date top tips, keep them in mind and your first date should go well.

Be clean, well groomed and dress appropriately for where you are going.

Be on time for your date. Being late for any date is not good, but for a first date it is definitely out of the question. Being late for a first date will show a lack of respect for your date.

Be decisive about what to do on your date, but remain flexible, if your date does not like your idea, ask them what or where they would prefer.

Prepare something to talk about.

Be flirty with your date, but get it right.

Do not openly argue with your date's ideas or points of view. If you do not agree with something they are talking about, try and subtly change the topic of conversation.

Never talk or text on your mobile phone, unless it is to order a taxi or something similar.

Do not give up on yourself or your date before you have given it a chance. Remember you are both nervous.

Enjoy yourself.

GottaFindLove.com

Safety Tips To Online Meeting

Be Cautious:
Don't be overly cautious, but be sure you talk to them on the phone before meeting; use instinct and good sense.

Don't Give Your Address or Full Name:
Your first name, and your phone number should be enough. But maybe you want to save your phone number until you've chatted with them a couple times online, that depends on your situation. You can build trust with someone on the 'net just like in real life, but, as in real life, it just takes time.

Tell Someone Where You Are Going:
This could be a friend you trust, or a relative if that would be ok. It's important because in the unlikely event that something happens, they can find you.

Use Your Own Transportation:
It's important to go in your own car or by public transportation. Don't go in cars with people you don't know yet.

Meet In A Public Place:
Meet someplace public, a cafe or mall, etc. That gives you a chance to check them out and see if they're trustworthy and if they're who and what they say they are before you go someplace else.

Walk If They Lied:
If someone is not who/what they said they were, and the lie is serious, then you shouldn't feel guilty for leaving.

Don't Drink, etc.:
Never drink or do drugs when on a date. That leads to impaired judgment and loss of control.

Don't Go To Private Places Until You Know Them:
Use common sense. Need we say more?

Bring Protection:
If you think there is any chance of having sex, bring protection and remember safe sex is always important.

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